I am rarely attracted to people, and when I am they are usually people who are only interested in sex. I’ve read that sometimes you are only attracted to people who can’t make good relationship material as a result of having non-affectionate parents. I have no idea what my type of guy is, and this makes my life incredibly lonely. I wanted to know if there’s anything I can do to recognize and change the types of people I am attracted to?
Wow, this is a great Valentine’s Day question. Thanks so much! You should first read the feature “Two of Hearts: Expert Dating Advice.” It has simple steps for evaluating and finding a relationship. I think the critical point is to not let a relationship begin in bed. If you find someone you are interested in, take time to get to know him before taking off your clothes. Also if the guy is only interested in sex and you’re not, then move on (or enjoy, but know that it isn’t going any further). Part of your problem could be that you are looking for love in the wrong places. Bars and clubs may be more conducive to finding a sex partner rather than a relationship. I think you should try to meet people through friends, clubs, organizations or gay dating services. Some gay bookstores have reading groups that foster relationships. I know several people who have met through ads in local gay papers. Specify you want a relationship and not sex. Good luck, and hopefully by next Valentine’s Day you’ll be in love.