I am 32 years old. Though I’ve been “out” for almost 10 years, I have not been able to successfully combine intimacy with sex. It’s either hot sex or cuddling with someone, but never both. I have broken up with so many good guys after becoming disinterested in them within a couple of days or weeks. Please help. I am not getting any younger.
Not getting any younger could be a positive thing. With maturity, you may find yourself better able to combine intimacy with a loving relationship. Since this has been a recurrent problem for you, I suspect there is some psychological basis to what you experience. A lack of desire once you have had someone is typical for many men, but usually stops if you find someone you are really interested in. Part of the problem may be that your relationships may begin “in bed.” It might help if you find someone who you think is relationship material, then avoid having sex with him until you really get to know each other. With time, if the relationship seems like it truly has potential, you can begin to explore sex — but again, take it slow.
That said, I think it might also be helpful for you to talk to a therapist to try to work out some of root causes of your feelings.